Woman Refusing To Spend Thanksgiving With Brother’s ‘Toxic’ Family Backed

As the holidays ramp up, family dynamics do too—and one woman is already feeling the effects.

A woman on Reddit, u/Designchick84, has shared her decision to take her husband and child on a Thanksgiving trip instead of attending a family gathering. Her decision made her family, who had declined to go on the trip, upset. Since the post was published, it has received 11,000 upvotes.

In the post, the original poster (OP) explained that her parents have a long history of favoring her brother, that they consistently prioritize her brother, even though his in-laws have created an uncomfortable environment for her family—particularly for her 5-year-old child.

The OP wrote that her sister-in-law’s father has been openly rude to her young child on previous Thanksgivings—”to the point where I reached out the day after Thanksgiving saying if this continues, we will no longer be celebrating holidays with them at all,” she wrote. “We have seen them since, and it’s been fine, but it’s never been in their home and that’s when the father’s comfortable enough to be mean.”

This year, the OP and her husband planned a Thanksgiving trip with their nuclear family. Though they invited her parents and her brother’s family, the invitation was declined. Her parents once again chose to side with her brother, saying that they “can’t pick between families.”

When the OP sent a text to confirm her family’s travel plans, she was met with surprise and upset responses. Her relatives had assumed that because they had declined the trip, the OP would cancel her plans and join the usual family Thanksgiving.

“We are not going to subject our children to a toxic Thanksgiving,” she wrote.

Reddit users quickly jumped in to show their support. One commenter, u/DesertSong-LaLa, validated the OP’s decision: “Enjoy your excursion! Soak in the peace. Yes, make your child, you, and hubby a priority. Remember them choosing him repeatedly really has nothing to do with who you are but rather, who they are. Thrive, OP!”

Another Redditor, u/Ok-Pomegranate-3018, pointed out the importance of breaking the cycle of unhealthy family dynamics: “Them being rude to your child was personal. You and your nuclear family need to take care of itself.

“Who really cares if your parents are upset? Seriously, they didn’t stand up for your family. You need to prioritize your family and move on with some of your own traditions!”

An Expert Opinion

Rachel Marmor, licensed mental health counselor and chief wellness officer at PAIRS Foundation, spoke to Newsweek about the dynamics of this family conflict, saying that situations like this are not uncommon.

“The woman feels overlooked and undervalued by her parents, who seem to always choose her brother’s side,” Marmor said. “She’s been the responsible one, trying to keep the peace and do the right thing, but this pattern has likely left her feeling invisible.”

Marmor said that in families, certain roles like “peacemaker” or “reliable one” can become fixed and hard to break free from. For the OP, she said, this Thanksgiving decision was about more than just a holiday—it was about reclaiming her emotional well-being and setting boundaries.

“In this case, it’s about recognizing that she can love her family without sacrificing her own peace,” Marmor said. “It’s also about accepting that her family may not fully understand or approve, but that’s okay. What matters is that she’s choosing what’s best for herself and her immediate family.”

Newsweek reached out to u/Designchick84 for comment via Reddit.