Internet Applauds How Divorced Couple Make Co-Parenting Work: ‘Wholesome’

A divorced couple have earned praise for their positive approach to co-parenting their kids.

Bianca Shane, from San Antonio, Texas, split from her now ex-husband Jimmy, five years ago, with the couple opting to share custody of their two young sons, aged 8 and 10.

There has been a significant increase in the number of divorced couples co-parenting their kids. A 2022 study published in the journal Demographic Research found the number of divorces that resulted in joint custody in the U.S. had gone from 13 percent around 1985 to 34 percent in the early 2010s.

Shane said she initially struggled to adjust to the new dynamic with her ex-husband. “It was definitely more difficult at first,” she told Newsweek. “You got divorced for a reason, and truly I just felt like a failure that we couldn’t make it work.”

However, the couple have always worked to maintain a relationship that puts the happiness and well-being of their kids first. “Our kids have always been our number one priority,” she said. “I appreciate my ex-husband. We may not have been great partners to one another, but we are both great parents, so we love and respect one another.”

Having seen divorces and custody battles play out and often turn ugly, Shane was determined to do things differently and show that there is another way. “So many people weaponize kids in divorce, and I think it’s important to show a healthy co-parenting relationship,” Shane said. “Another side to divorce that isn’t so sad all the time and traumatic.”

That is partly why she began sharing videos of her day-to-day life as a divorced mom to TikTok under the handle @raisingshanes. It is also why she and her family ended up going viral after Shane shared a May 2 clip from one of her regular co-parenting schedule meetings.

Shane said they have the meetings every couple of months to ensure they stay on the same page when it comes to looking after their kids. She said they decided to have this regular meetings early on after getting divorced as “a lot can be misconstrued over text.”

“We discuss any happenings that have gone on at our individual homes. We discuss upcoming events, due dates for the boys schooling and sports and other extracurricular activities,” Shane said.

“We are also discussing travel plans and any date swaps we may need to do. We just like to keep lines of communication open and ensure we keep the parenting as consistent as possible.”

Their co-parenting goes way beyond those meetings, of course. The divorced couple are constantly in communication with each other and happily spend holidays together (Shane is also engaged to be married), ensuring no one misses out on any major milestones for their kids.

Shane said she shared the clip from their meeting to change the stigma behind divorce and co-parenting. “I see a lot of TikTok users complaining about their ex or their child’s father,” she said. “I wanted to show that two people can parent respectfully and efficiently, and it doesn’t have to be a negative thing.”

The video went viral, amassing more than 1.8 million views and a glut of praise. “Your child is lucky to have you guys,” one user wrote, with another commenting: “My parents would have gotten more respect from me if this was how they acted.”

A third posted, “Finally parents who understand it’s about the kids not them,” with a fourth adding: “Those are two parents that are putting the needs of their child ahead of theirs.”

Shane said she understands that every divorce is different, but ultimately good co-parenting is about focusing on what matters: your kids. “It’s not easy, and it takes a lot to swallow your pride, but your ability to do so will help make the transition easier for your kids,” she said. “You don’t have to even like your ex, just remember they are half the little human you love so much. A little respect and kindness go a long way.”