Full List of Donald Trump Jokes at Al Smith Dinner

Former President Donald Trump went for the laughs last night.

Appearing at the Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner in New York Thursday night, the former president shifted all his might behind a chosen few jokes—some of which appeared to fall flat.

The white-tie Catholic charity event is one of the last opportunities for the presidential candidates to appear together before election day and is an outlet for them to light-heartedly roast one another.

Vice President Kamala Harris did not attend in person, choosing instead to stay on the campaign trail in the battleground states. But she sent a prerecorded video of herself alongside comedian Molly Shannon starring as her former Saturday Night Live character Mary Katherine Gallagher.

Here’s a rundown of all the jokes Trump cracked last night.

Trump’s Legal Troubles

Referring to his own run-ins with the law, Trump told the dinner: “It’s really a pleasure (to be) anywhere in New York without a subpoena for my appearance.”

Kamala’s No-show

Harris chose not to attend the event in favor of remaining on the campaign trail and the Republican presidential nominee was not going to let her absence slide.

“It’s been a long tradition for both Democrat and Republican candidates for president in the United States to attend this dinner. Always, it’s a rule. You got to go to the dinner, you got to do it. Otherwise, bad things are going to happen to you from up there,” Trump said as he pointed to the heavens.

Taking pains to criticize Harris for not attending the event in person, Trump compared it to Walter Mondale’s defeat to Ronald Reagan in the 1984 election.

“The last Democrat not to attend this important event was Walter Mondale. And it did not go very well for him. He lost 49 states and he won one: Minnesota. So I said there’s no way I’m missing it.”

Predicting Mayor Adams’s indictment

Trump also took time to tear into New York City Mayor Eric Adams.

Referring to Adams’ indictment on charges of bribery, conspiracy, wire fraud, and campaign finance offenses, the former president said: “Mayor Adams, good luck with everything.”

He added: “They went after you, they went after you mayor.”

Trump said that he had predicted the indictment, saying: “Nine-and-a-half months ago, I said, you know, he just said something bad about the administration. He’s going to be indicted any moment. And guess what happened, but you’re going to win.”

“I think you’re going to win. I know you’re going to win, so good luck. I don’t like what they do.”

Referring to the accusations against Adams of soliciting foreign bribes, Trump joked: “But I’ve got to say I’ve never met a person who’s a vegan who liked Turkey so much.”

Children in the White House

Insulting the mental ability of President Joe Biden and Kamala Harris in one fell swoop, Trump said: “We have someone in the White House who can barely talk, barely put together two coherent sentences, who seems to have the mental faculties of a child. It’s a person that has nothing going, no intelligence whatsoever. But enough about Kamala Harris.”

Governor Walz

Referring to Democratic vice-presidential nominee Tim Walz’s past misstatements, including his false claim that he was in Hong Kong during the Tianamen Square protests in 1989, Trump joked: “Unfortunately, Governor Walz isn’t here himself. But don’t worry, he’ll say that he was.”

Trump laid into Walz for his backing of a state law that would make feminine hygiene products available to students in Minnesota.

“I used to think the Democrats were crazy for saying men have periods. But then I met Tim Walz,” said Trump.

Self-deprecation? “I’ve Got Nothing”

Referring to his self-confidence, Trump told the crowd: “Tradition holds that I’m supposed to tell a few self-deprecating jokes this evening. So here it goes. Nope. I’ve got nothing. There’s nothing to say.”

Assassination Attempts

Making light of the repeated attempts on his life, Trump said: “I guess I just don’t see the point of taking shots at myself when other people have been shooting at me for a long time.”

Doug Emhoff’s Affair

Attacking Kamala Harris’s husband Doug Emhoff for the extramarital affair he said he had in his first marriage, Trump said: “The only piece of advice I would have for her [Harris] in the event that she wins is not to let her husband Doug anywhere near the nannies.”

After many of the audience attendees audibly groaned, Trump added: “That’s a nasty one. I told these idiots that gave me this stuff, that’s too tough.”

Chuck Schumer

Poking fun at Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer, Trump said: “Chuck Schumer is here looking very glum. But look on the bright side Chuck, considering how woke your party has become, if Kamala loses you still have the chance to become the first woman president.”

White Dudes for Harris

Referring to the group White Dudes for Harris, Trump joked: “There’s a group, White Dudes for Harris. But I’m not worried about it because their wives and their wives’ lovers are all voting for me.”

Newsweek has emailed the Trump campaign for comment.