Tears at Heartbreaking Questions Toddler Asks Grieving Mom on Plane

At 35 weeks pregnant, Danielle Heusner’s placenta separated from her uterus and starved her baby of oxygen and he passed away.

Heusner, 25, gave birth to a stillborn baby boy, Ivar. Two years later, Heusner and her daughter, Avaiya-Rose, continue to speak about him daily. Recently, the pair were traveling by plane and the mom recorded the moment Avaiya-Rose began asking about “Ivar in the sky.” The mom appears to be holding back the tears as her 3-year-old asks her brother heartbreaking questions.

Heusner, from Norwich, England, told Newsweek: “I felt emotional as it’s a reminder he can’t be here with us on the plane and holiday but also a reminder of all the little things she’s missing out with him as well.”

The early-years educator, now 27, uses her TikTok platform to share her grief journey (@danielleeheusner). On May, 22, she shared the moment her daughter said she wanted to ask her brother if he could “come down and play” with her and then listed the activities she wished they could do together such as bake cupcakes, go on her slide and have a sleepover.

An extract from the caption states: “I think people are so uneducated on how to include children in grief and judgments from people who haven’t experienced it makes it hard, but my daughter lost her brother as well as me losing a son, and this is how we include him.”

She told Newsweek: “My daughter was 1 when he passed away, she was aware I had a baby in my belly, and I wanted her to meet him in the hospital. When he had passed, we didn’t explain it then as she was so little, but when we all came home, pointed to my stomach and asked about her brother, which I told her he is in the sky now. As she’s got older I’ve expanded depending on her age in the most child-appropriate way and depending on her understanding and questions as well.”

“Recently she’s started to ask if Ivar can come down and play with us and gets sad when he can’t, so I came up with the idea where we both close our eyes and speak to him. We often say something we’ve done recently that we wish he could have done with us and something we loved about him which in the video she’s listing the things she loves to do that she wishes he could.

“She was so little when he passed so I never expected her to be so curious but especially now all her friends have little brothers and sisters I think she’s becoming more aware.”

Stillbirth occurs in around one out of every 250 births in England, according to the U.K.’s National Health Service (NHS). In the United States, stillbirth affects approximately one in 175 births, with about 21,000 babies being stillborn annually, as reported by the CDC.

How Does Grief Impact Children?

Dr. Elizabeth Rogers, associate clinical director at Bupa, one of the UK’s leading health care specialists, spoke to Newsweek about how grief affects children.

“While we would love to shield children from grief, unfortunately it’s not always possible.” she said. “The difficult part is their understanding of emotions and thoughts is still developing, and they don’t quite process things in the same way as adults. For a child, grief can feel like an awful, whirling, sickening ‘thing’ going on inside their bodies, which can be quite scary.

“The way children experience grief varies from child to child. On the outside, it may be seen in a number of ways: separation anxiety, bed-wetting, anger, physical complaints (headaches, stomach aches), issues with sleeping and eating, and withdrawing from activities. These sorts of behaviors can be easily overlooked or attributed to other age-related issues, so being mindful of how grief presents differently in kids is the first step for us to help support them.”

Online Reactions

So far, the video that has over 60,000 views has left the internet in tears.

One user said: “This is heartbreaking but so lovely, bless her little heart. You’re a good mumma!xx”

Another wrote: “Crying. This is so beautiful. What an amazing sister she is. I just know her brother is watching over her.”

A third commenter said: “Well done mama, I can see the pain in your eyes listening to your beautiful daughter! just know your amazingly strong.”

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